When you find yourself working for a demanding, ungrateful little boss…
When you find yourself working for a demanding, ungrateful little boss…
…and you know deep down that something is seriously off, but you’re not sure how to change it.
The hierarchy is upside down. Yep, it happens, and it sucks when you realize you’re working for your kids… The truth is, it’s their job to test their leadership and try to flip the hierarchy. It’s our job as parents to recognize when it has flipped and get ourselves peacefully back in charge.
“How do I do this?” you ask... Start with listening for the cringeworthy sounds of your kids making declarations, commands, announcements, and demands, and have them turn those declarations, demands, commands and announcements into questions and requests before you move a muscle to serve them.
A blueprint for this looks and sounds like:
Language: Child declares, “Mom! I’m hungry! I want milk!” Parent responds, “Hmm. That demand for a snack didn’t feel good to me. Can you rewind and start again? I will wait patiently for you to ASK for what you want rather than make a demand. When you ask in a way that feels good to me, I will respond. Take your time. This is important.” Set a boundary with a simple kind phrase and then stop engaging.
Attachment: We don’t have to disconnect harshly when we set a communication boundary. Setting communication boundaries with our kids can be done with friendly eyes and a peaceful tone of voice or kind touch to let them know they are not in trouble, but they need to make an adjustment if they want your attention.
Boundaries: When parents hear the demand, and are able to notice the choice point to pause and insist, with a bit of cheerful indifference, that kids communicate their needs in the form of a question rather than an announcement, (before providing ANY service) the hierarchy naturally resets.